Diary of a Spy Season 1
by Buttercup41670
Summary: This is how I envision what Lee would say if he kept a diary. This starts on the first airdate of the episode and runs through the final episode of the season.


**Summary: This is how I envision what Lee would say if he kept a diary. This starts on the first air-date of the episode and runs through the final episode of the season.**

**Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is the property of Shoot the Moon Productions and Warner Brothers.**

**Notes: These diary entries are pure speculation on what I think might have been going through Lee's Head. I tried to stay in cannon with the episodes. I tried to keep major case details to a minimum, as I doubt if Lee would jeopardize national security by writing specific details about his cases. **

**Timeline: Season 1**

**Feedback: I would love constructive feedback. I appreciate and want to thank everyone who has already given me valuable feedback and advice.**

**Archive: Please feel free to archive my stories**

**Diary of a Spy**

**October 3, 1983(Written after the Episode "The First Time")**

Wow…what a week! I met the most interesting woman this week. Her name is Amanda King and she is a divorced mother who lives with her two boys and her mother. She is not like the women I usually write about. I don't think about her in the same way as those other women. I am NOT attracted to her physically but she does intrigue me. I met her by accident and to be honest, I am glad I met her because she saved my butt! That is not something I would normally admit but hey… she is a quick thinker. The craziest part of this whole thing is that Billy seems to think I am going to allow him to let her work with me. "Partner" is the word he used. I think Billy has officially lost it. When I think about it, I wouldn't mind working with her on small things around the agency but Billy knows…I will **never** work with a partner.

Well…I have a date soon! It is time to get ready and forget about work for a while!

**October 10, 1983(Written after the Episode "There Goes the Neighborhood")**

Well…this week I got a brief taste of married life. Personally, I think married life is highly overrated. I had to work with Amanda again. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I still will never be her partner. I tried to make that clear to her but somehow…I just don't think she gets it. Amanda and I had to pose as a married couple and I did get to know a little more about her. She has a boyfriend…his name is Dan or Dennis or something like that. I think the guy sounds like a real loser. I guess he is a local weatherman here… I will have to watch the news again and check this guy out. It's not like I really care about who Amanda dates but he could be a security risk. Anyway, I have to admit….I did have a little fun on this assignment. Maybe working with Amanda King on a temporary basis won't be so bad.

**October 17, 1983(Written after the Episode "If Thoughts Could Kill")**

What a week! I spent most of it in the hospital only to find out that some quack doctor was trying to brainwash me into killing Billy! Once again….Amanda saved my hide. It is starting to really annoy me. Billy keeps entertaining the idea that she will be my partner. I keep telling him it will **never** happen. I hope that Billy does not continue to encourage this idea with Amanda. This Amanda King….she still baffles me. I have no idea why she wants to work in this business. I mean…I know she needs the money but she is a housewife with two boys. What could she possibly see in the agency? Billy told me that she told him she thinks of me as a friend. I thought about this and realized I think of her as a friend too. I wouldn't tell her that of course….but this is the first time in my life I have ever thought of a woman as "just a friend." A woman as a friend…hmmm… It is an interesting concept.

**10/24/83(Written after the Episode "The Magic Bus")**

Another crazy week has past and I am still baffled by Amanda. She might be "just a housewife" but I am starting to believe she might have an aptitude for this business. She stays cool under pressure and she saved my life…again. This does not mean that I want her as a partner but I am beginning to believe that working with her on occasion is not a bad thing. She asked me some really personal questions during this last mission and I am not ready to answer them. Hell…I don't know if I will ever be ready to answer them. She cracks me up too. She called one of our suspects "the weasel- faced man." Can you believe that? That was her description! Well…I have to admit that once I met the guy he did look a bit like a weasel.

I have to take it easy for a couple of days now because I got shot in the leg during this last mission. Luckily…it is something that won't keep me down for long. The best part is that Lucy from the steno pool is coming to "take care of me" over the weekend. I think a little T.L.C is just what the doctor ordered!

**10/31/1983(Written after the Episode "The ACM Kid")**

I have decided that deep down I am just one big ball of mush! I would only ever admit this in my diary but it's true. I worked with a kid this week. He was a kid who was so much like me as a child that it scared me. He had a rough time growing up and he put on this tough face when I know all he really wanted to do was cry. I never talk about my childhood…. but I did tell the boy a little bit about it. You know….it still hurts to think about it. I don't know…I guess there are some things in life you never get over. Amanda helped out a bunch in this case and I started to tell her about my childhood but then thought better of it. I know that I can trust Amanda but I am just not ready to open up to her yet. I wonder if I will ever be ready. I bought this big stuffed panda bear for the boy. I realized later this is definitely not his type of thing. Amanda saw it and she said I could "buy her affections with it" because she thought it was so great. So tonight, (I can't believe I am admitting this), I broke my date with Jill and I dropped off the bear on her doorstep. I am not "trying to buy her affections" but I am starting to realize that she might be one of my few genuine friends. I wanted her to know I appreciate that. I heard a mans voice when I went to drop off the panda bear. I think she was having a date with Dennis or Don or whatever his name is. I sure hope she dumps that clown soon because he really gets on my nerves.

**11/7/1983(Written after the episode "Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth")**

Protecting a princess…that was my mission of the week. Amanda always seems to get attached to my cases these days. I guess I might as well deal with the idea that she is part of The Agency now. Billy let her know that he does not plan to have her be an "agent" but that he needs her as a civilian. Maybe that means he won't bother me anymore about his wanting her to be my partner. I think he has been joking about it from the beginning but sometimes I wonder about what that mans intentions really are. I must admit she was helpful with getting information from Princess Penelope. She does have a way of getting people to talk. Princess Penelope thought Amanda and I were "having a thing." That is about the craziest thing I have heard of in a long time. I admit that Amanda is beautiful but sexy just does not fit in with that description. That is why I know nothing will ever happen between us. I do not waste my time with women who are not sexy! I mean…. What's the point?

**11/14/1983(Written after the episode ("Service Above and Beyond")**

I almost lost her this time. I almost lost Amanda King. I had no idea it would affect me the way it did. I felt sick and scared to death. I was riding in the ambulance with her and I started to think about what my life would be like without her in it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't like getting close to anyone but I think it is too late for that now. I really want Amanda to be a regular part of my life now. I can admit that much.

I find myself looking at her in a different light. The other day I started to really think about how beautiful she really is. Not just on the outside….but on the inside too. I think she really cares about me. I don't think many people in my life have really taken the time to really care about me much. I really like that about her. Sometimes I think that maybe we could be more than friends but then I snap back into reality. I could never love a housewife. At least…I don't think I could.

**11/28/1983 (Written after the episode "Saved by the Bells")**

I almost lost Amanda again. I am starting to believe that I need to push her away. I need to talk her into getting out of the business now before her children have to grow up without a mother. I know what it is like to grow up without parents and I would never want her boys to go through that. I care about her. She is one of the first people I have cared about in a long time. It scares me because the people I care about always seem to end up dead.

I was ready to give up everything for her this time. She was kidnapped because of me. She was almost sold to the Russians because of me. She could have died because of me and I couldn't let that happen. I could have lost my career by giving Rostov back to the Russians but I could never live with losing her that way. I think it's time I pull away from Amanda King. I could never forgive myself if something happened to her.

**12/5/1983 (Written after the episode "Sudden Death")**

Okay…. So pushing away Amanda King is not an easy thing to do. Once again, she ended up on a case with me. I didn't want her there but Billy sent her and what could I do? She sure has a way of getting people to trust her. People just automatically know they can. That is true for me too…I knew from the moment we met that trust would not be an issue.

I am so sore from that crazy football camp. I think Amanda enjoyed seeing me struggling. I don't mean that to be a bad thing…I just think she saw a different side of me. Oh yeah…I kissed her during this case. I had to in order to maintain my cover but you know what? I enjoyed it. She is a really good kisser and she has the softest lips. That doesn't mean I ever intend to date the woman but I wouldn't mind sneaking in a few "gotta maintain my cover kisses." Well…that is all for now. Barbara is coming over in a few minutes to "tend to my injuries." I let it slip to her that I went through football camp this week. Women dig athletes!

**12/27/1983 (Written after the episode "The Long Christmas Eve")**

I just got out of the hospital. I was shot in the shoulder on Christmas Eve and yes…Amanda King was there. I think all of the people involved would have been dead if it hadn't been for her. Only Amanda can make a truce with KGB agents. I wrote earlier that anyone trusts Amanda. I didn't realize that the KGB does too! It was the most surreal night of my life. Amanda never ceases to amaze me. I have yet to see her have a negative attitude about anything. I mean… she was stuck in a cabin on Christmas Eve with federal and KGB agents and all she wanted to do was sing Christmas carols. I know she was worried about her mother and the children but she didn't say anything about it. She is a really strong woman. She might just be the strongest woman I have ever known. It might just be a little bit of Christmas spirit talking here but I am starting to think that she might really turn out to be a great agent someday. Since my parents died, Christmas has never really meant anything to me. This Christmas, however, turned out to be one of the best Christmases of my life.

**1/9/1984 (Written after the episode "Remembrance of Things Past")**

I had to lie to Amanda this week. I know it hurt her and that hurts me. Amanda thought I was dead. I had to fake my death so that I could investigate my killer. When I showed up at her house to let her know I was alive, she cried. I hate seeing her cry. She told me that she knows "tears frighten me more than bullets." She is so right about that. It killed me to see her hurt. It killed me to hear that she thought I had broken her trust. She seemed to understand after I explained everything… but I don't know. Before I had to fake my death, Amanda was there when I got my first death threat. She told me that I was strong and brave but that she was not. I didn't correct her but I wish I would have. I think she is very strong and very brave. I should tell her this but for some reason; I can't bring myself to do that. As for as me being strong and brave…I think I am. However, I have my weaknesses. Secretly, I am an emotional mess. I don't let people in and I don't want to. That is not brave. Sometimes, I think about my parents and I cry. That is not strong…or is it? Maybe showing emotions is what makes a person strong or brave…I don't know. Amanda really makes me think. She makes me think about things I never would have thought about before. I am not ready to say it to her yet but…thanks Amanda.

**1/16/1984 (Written after the episode "Lost and Found")**

I have only been in love twice in my life. Both of these relationships ended in disaster. My first true love was Dorothy. I can't even write about her…it hurts too much. She is dead…there is really nothing else to say on the subject. Then there was Eva. I met her while posing as a student in Italy. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. She made me feel alive and happier than I had ever been. I had always been terrified to commit to a relationship but I wasn't afraid to commit to her. I had no idea that she had been dating another man. I was ready to ask her to marry me but I was too late. The man she also had been dating beat me to the punch and she accepted his proposal. It was at that point, I decided I was finished with serious relationships.

Well…this week…Eva returned to my life. We were helping her husband Angelo as he had recently defected to the States. All those old feelings came flying back to me. I wanted her and she let me know she wanted me. I came very close to making love to Eva again… but we were interrupted and now… I am so glad we were. It turns out Eva was working for the KGB to get Angelo. She betrayed me. She didn't even think twice about killing me. Luckily, Amanda had taken the bullets from her gun. Once again…Amanda saved me. She really helped me this time. I think she knew I loved Eva and she was there for me. She really helped me to see the light. I think I would have handled this whole thing differently if it hadn't been for Amanda. She really is a good friend and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

**1/30/1984 (Written after the Episode "I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been…A Spy")**

This has been another crazy week and with crazy comes Amanda. She had a terrible car accident after escaping from her kidnapper. She ended up with Amnesia. She could remember some parts of her life but she had completely forgotten about the Agency and me. I spent my time after this incident, trying to keep her safe from the kidnappers. They thought she had information and they weren't about to let her go. It was hard to convince Amanda about what she has been doing to make a living. She thought I was crazy but in the end…she trusted me. The doctor told her that her Amnesia had caused her to forget things that were "emotionally complicated." It was funny because she thought she had forgotten about me because we had some kind of a sexual relationship. She seemed relieved when I told her nothing physical had happened between us. That kind of bugged me…I am a good-looking guy…why wouldn't she want to be with a guy like me? Well anyway, the best part of the deal…she forgot who Dennis or Dan or whatever his name is too. That means she must be confused about her relationship with him. Maybe that means she will finally dump the guy. One can only hope.

**2/6/1984(Written after the episode "Dead Ringer")**

I saw a new side of Amanda this week. She did not like Magda Petrak and she was not afraid to let me know that. I have never known Amanda not to like anyone. Magda was demanding and very short with Amanda and to my surprise…Amanda did not put up with it. I asked Amanda why she had such a dislike for Magda. All she would tell me was that Magda said something to upset Phillip. After I heard that, I was sorry for making Amanda deal with the situation. I know she is very protective of her family. As much as Amanda disliked Magda, she still came through in the pinch. At the last minute, she was asked to drive Magda to meet us on the way to the airport. Amanda didn't complain or ask questions. Actually, I think she was just eager to get Magda out of her house. We were on our way to intercept Amanda and Magda when I saw a station wagon flying through a field and into a ditch. I knew it had to be her. She had the wits to get Magda into some cover and we rescued Magda, Amanda, and Francine. All's well that ends well…I say. Amanda's mother had a cold and I guess all that time Magda and I spent at Amanda's house did the trick. Amanda, Magda, and I now have terrible colds. I called Magda to see how things were going. Her family is safe and she seems happy. Before I hung up, she told me something interesting. She told me that Amanda was a lovely woman and that I should really hold onto her. I let her know there was nothing between Amanda and me. It was then that she told me "maybe not…but she thinks you have beautiful eyes." I am going to have to ask Amanda about that conversation!

**2/13/1984 (Written after the episode "The Mole")**

Amanda proved to be very useful this week. We had "a mole" at the Agency. Every time we were about to move in on Viktor Ignatia he got away. Someone was tipping Viktor off we found out that someone at the Agency was responsible. This was a major case for me because "Blue Leader" put me in charge. I was a nervous wreck. Screwing up this case could seriously screw up my whole career. I told Amanda about the "mole." I let her know that everyone at the Agency was a suspect. She then told me she had just made a date with Benson. Benson works at the Agency and he gave her these cheesy lines when he met her at Nedlinger's Pub. I can't believe she fell for them! It really upset me when she told me about this date. I don't want to say I was jealous…because I was definitely NOT jealous. I would say that I was protective. I don't want Amanda dating any of the guys at the agency. They are all interested in one thing and Amanda deserves so much better than that. Anyway, Amanda and I had an argument that ended up with her deciding to go out with Benson as a "fact finding survey." I didn't like the idea of her going out with the guy but now…I am glad she did. The information she got on Benson is what broke the case and exposed him as the "mole." Amanda saved my butt…again! It doesn't really annoy me like it used to. I am just happy to have her around. However, I would never tell her that…she might start asking Billy for agent training again!

**2/27/1984 (Written after the episode "Savior")**

Once again…I had to deceive Amanda. She is not easy to deceive that is for sure. When she thought I had left The Agency…she wasn't angry. She was just concerned and she wouldn't leave me alone! Part of me is flattered…but the other part is really annoyed. Maybe I have allowed her to get too close. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her and I can't help but think that in the end…that is exactly what I will do. Amanda is a wonderful woman and she continues to prove her loyalty to me. She was willing to give up everything to save my butt today and you know what? I let her! I think cutting her out of my life would be the best thing for her…but I can't bring myself to do it. I need her…as a friend…as my co-worker…hell…I just need her and that…scares the hell out of me.

**3/5/1984 (Written after the episode "The Artful Dodger")**

Amanda is so trusting of others. I consider this her biggest weakness and at the same time her biggest strength. Amanda trusted a man…a man she barely knew…and it turned out to be a big mistake. I admit…I was angry when I found out she had accepted a ring from the guy. I was even more angry when I found out the ring was a listening device. I wanted to find the guy and rip him from limb to limb for taking advantage of Amanda. I was not nice to her this time. I let her know I was disappointed and I hurt her…I know that. I am not good at saying I am sorry. I have never really felt a need to do so. But now…all I want to do is tell her that. I can't stand seeing her upset. I guess that is what it is like when you really care about someone. I tried to tell her I was sorry at dinner but she had to coach me along. I am learning so much about myself now. I am learning things that I never wanted to see before. I feel like I am changing. I think Amanda has a whole lot to do with it. This confuses me because I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I guess only time will tell.

**3/19/1984 (Written after the episode "Filming Raul")**

I almost lost a friend and damn good courier this week. Once again…Amanda saved the day. She surprises me more and more with each passing day. She has a way of figuring out clues that just amazes me. I swear…her mind works in mysterious ways. If she hadn't of thought about a sub-basement in the warehouse…we would never have found Raul or Scotty. Amanda also found out about these tapes. A parking lot employee had been filming us for weeks! If Raul had not hit Amanda's car, we might never have known.

So during this case…Amanda told me her mother thought she was involved in a "clandestine love affair." I laughed at this. I mean…what a ridiculous idea. I told her she wasn't the type. Her response…she wasn't the type to be a spy either but…We didn't get to finish the conversation because a police car came by right at that moment. In order to maintain our cover, I had to grab Amanda and hold her like we were lovers. Amanda responded in a way that surprised me. I got the feeling she wanted me to kiss her and well…for a split second…I wanted to kiss her too. Then I came to my senses. The point is…this got me to thinking. Is Amanda the type to become involved in a love affair? I mean…I really don't know that much about her. Part of me hopes she isn't the type but another part of me…well…part of me hopes she is.

**3/26/1984 (Written after the episode "Fearless Dotty")**

Not only does Amanda have a way of finding trouble but I think her mother does too! I guess it runs in the family. Amanda and her mother went shopping for Phillip's birthday. I don't know how…but her mom ended up with a book that was worth a million in this business. Her mother thought it was Amanda's favorite book as a kid but the book must have been switched out in the bookstore. It took us forever to find out why Amanda's mother had been targeted. At first, we thought Amanda was the target. Some jerk grabbed her on the street and knocked her down. We thought he was just a simple mugger trying to rob Amanda but that was not the case. I was so angry when Amanda told me what had happened. It scared me to think something could have happened to her. I didn't tell her this but she knows I was concerned. I am beginning to believe I would do almost anything for this woman or her family. I can't believe what I went through to get her son that crazy "Captain Galaxy doll". Hell… I almost caused an international incident trying to get it! It was worth it though…to see the look on her face when I gave it to her. I wish I could have seen the look on Phillip's face too. That's crazy huh…me caring about making some kid happy. I think I am losing it.

**4/23/1984 (Written after the episode "Weekend")**

Mr. and Mrs. Stetson…that is who we were…at least for a day. The idea is ridiculous. However, I have to admit it was kind of fun. I enjoyed playing it up a little bit…kissing her hand…looking into her eyes. I have never seen Amanda so nervous before. I wonder if she could tell I was nervous too. I think she thought I was "going to make a move on her." She was so scared when we were alone in that room together. I had no intentions towards Amanda. I tried to tell her that but I don't know if she believed me. I know I have "a reputation" around the office. I just hoped Amanda knew me well enough to know I would never take advantage of her. She wanted to know what we planned to do about only having one bed in the room. I never got the chance to tell her my solution. My solution was to share the bed with her trusting I wouldn't do anything. Instead…I was stuck in a closet all night. I admit…I was angry at first…maybe even a little bit disappointed. I want Amanda to trust me as much as I trust her and in most ways…I think she does. I think she would trust me more if I opened up to her about my life. I just can't do that…not yet and maybe not ever. The crazy thing is…I know that Amanda will stand by me regardless of that. Because of this… I think of her as the best friend I have ever had. I can't bring myself to tell her that… but I think she is beginning to see that I really do care. I guess for now…that is enough.

**5/7/1984 (Written after the episode "Waiting for Godorsky")**

Only Amanda could mistake a princess for a pauper…but that is exactly what she did. She did it with the best of intentions but I must admit it was really embarrassing taking meatloaf to a princess. It was a good thing in the end. We ended up saving princess Valosky and once again, Amanda was right in the middle of it. She figured out the "slurping sounds" and without that bit of evidence…things would have gone entirely different. She has amazing observation skills. She can hear things in a tape that some of the most seasoned agents could never figure out. I am learning to trust her instincts. I used to laugh at them but I realize they have saved my life on more than one occasion. The crazy thing about this whole case was that Amanda's mother ended up in the middle of it too. Of course…it was an accident but still…I am beginning to realize just how alike Amanda and her mother really are. I can't help but wonder…does her mother ramble as much as she does?


End file.
